"Ultima Thule" (2019)

Ultima thule

I wish I never left this rag-walled lodge,
Yurt of your kins lost in this polar snow.
Your nanny healing, feeding - she knows the dodge
Of our gonner bliss to quicken and bestow.

Fasten my soul like a drowning prow
When germs fill my eyes like bubbles
On this pure-white snow...
Immense...

She's carol-singing, going a-shroving,
Quacking on scarred wood to charm away my blight.
Toute blanche, oh, toute blanche.
Lost in the white to exorcise my night,
Wormwood and thyme in roundelay a-soaring.
As blind koradji nursing the winter flame.
Toute blanche, oh, toute blanche...
My second heart awakens from the blame
(To love?)

This eld of me, how it nets through my goose-skin
When my soul exhausted is ravishin' your flesh and burns.
At night does she hear us breathe and smile akin
The enfilade dormant nympth all swathed in furs?

Ultima thule,
Oh how fleet and vague was my youthhead obsessed - lane Cimmerian Summer
As the butterfly clamped up her wings, paced away like a queen,
The dead silence deepened to forever ween.
Wretched and comatose like years of heart in its ponderous, tedious slumber.

As a tulpa of callowness I smoldered in glo.
Will this lewd voracious kiss retake my go?

Toute blanche...
The beauty born in white reveals in black and red
With sound of the burning wood in chimney's candent bed,
Hearth of our hearts in impenetrable darkness.

So fasten my soul, oh, crone of relict!
And the pretty domestic routine is alluring, unfading
All those pale morning trains, never coming home rain-traffics
Are all left behind
Like the stainmarks of amber disturbing
On the aged photograph.

Do fasten my soul, oh, the fostress of secrecy!
For me and my lover.
Whirl me circles a-shroving
As the raven-flocks of my dark past
Scatterband fly apart.
And the grave-stones are sprawling
And matzevas are falling
And the crosses are burning
In the sunlight relenting,
Icy day overwhelming

I level my eyes far behind as I dive
Asking my future: "Are my dear ones alive?"
Come and vanish my fear!

Whirl me circles, oh, sorceress!
In the dance of my vertigo and of thy heathen prosody
Asperse me with parlance extinct,
Bedrop me with life-giving water of will,
Coddle me up a-crooning.

Love me hard

Once again as a frightened child
I choke in the frozen air
I'm lost in the snow in the wild
In the purest snow of world unfair

As I shiver and anticipate
The gigantic hands of cruel god
Just to grab me with love or with hate
Or for something that's never allowed

Oh, it's you... you...
The one that shouldn't be here
One that is never near -
did you ever hear my call?
And I am just that one
that should've never been at all

And I sleep in those hands
Of my enemy's or friend's
See those young days of past forlorn
Adolescence been born in the child's heart all torn
And it turned and it turned to stone
All those dark rooms and sheets
Perfumes shirts and cold lips
Long way home on a train at night
Sexy beautiful friends and their mouths and their hands
Running down my neck, music of fight
Oh it's been trite but better than apart
So hold me tender and love me hard

Once again as the loser of man
I choke in the frozen air
I'm lost in my failure again
In the purest snow of world unfair

As I shiver and anticipate
No more gods but the human in mate
Just to grab me with love or with hate
Or for something that's almost too late

Oh, it's you... you...
The one that shouldn't be here
One that is never near -
did you ever hear my call?
And I am just that one
that should've never been at all

Oh it's been trite but better than apart
So fuck me tender
And love me hard!

The multiverse allusion

This is the most peculiar, perverse malicious rent
The acquisition multiverse in single life pretend
And our lies parallelized by different legend rooms
The different needs and gluts, surplus for different words and wombs

With her I am the helpless child, with you the sword I am
The one comes closer to defile, the other I condemn
It's mad to be the stranger when at home they search for you
The wanderlust intoxicates and betrayal is so pure.

The human mechanics
Romantics determined
The fatal organics
The trivial torments
Like spires cabalic
We rise in the shadows
We rise like the shadows
To bury their silence
In whisper of violence

And we breed like gods
We breed like gods
all alone
We fuck like hedge born dogs
All night long...

I should have known before I got the virus of belief
I should have grasped that purest God would never give relief
If he existed he would kill our fancies first of all
But they still lead the way and feel unhindered in the fall

And when I look inside myself I'm scared to find this aid
As there is nothing to commit I might have been afraid
No fear and no regret!

And when the pale frozen light of the morning sun finds me broken on the floor
I wank off my soul
All my tenderness and love dripping down my trembling fingers grazed
Insomnia tears my hypnagogic brain
The wall becomes a curtain
And I can hear the others breathe
I hear their atrocious lust
And I miss the one that I love a lot
The one I lost is the one I last...

When we breed like gods
We bleed like gods
all alone
Don't look askance at me
We all are just the same sluts

The human mechanics
Deception determined
The fatal organics
Acceptance disturbing
The wisdom exhausted
We rise in the shadows
We rise like the shadows
To bury their silence
In whisper of violence

And I miss the one that I love a lot...
Miss the one that I love... I thought..

Manufactured abrasive

The sick one born would sick beget
Just kill it all with no regret
I praise the justice of the wolves
That kill their weak brood

We don't deserve your damn regrets
We are but dumb marionettes
Transgress the bonds of good and bad
Of your frail neighborhood

And find yourself the King of Pain
Destruction and revenge proclaimed
As love in frozen catacomb
Dead raven's wings vaned o'er the tomb

And let your ugliness outrage
To kill the beautiful encaged
And to surfeit the torture screams
Like sweetest cream...

And the entire blameless souls would crash within my noose
No mercy on the living I just let all hell break loose
Let them all suffer as somebody surely must have paid
Whole fucking world must pay for me, my every darkened day
Put on its knees - unending rape!
Blood showers and there's no escape
(As I sacrifice your fucking soul to the Ruler of Darkness)

And find yourself the King of Pain
Destruction and revenge proclaimed
As love in frozen catacomb
Dead raven's wings vaned o'er the tomb

I wish I sold my pathetiс soul to the Evil...
Forgetting the conscience and empathy
I wish I were the Abyss of Hate
But that is too late...

Adelphopoiia tis lagneias

In the fane of our sorrow when it rains red and gold
When the silver of welkin kills the sky in a fold
When the moonsnake is haunting every sleepwalking child
And the music of bane flows in the heart from the wild

When all demons are loveful and all gods burn in hell
Let the virus surround us in the poisonous well
The entire drowned lilies, dead boys' choir in the wood
Our meat on the brazier fusing flesh neighborhood

Could we ever be so free?
Could we ever be that pure?
If you killed yourself for me
I would kill myself for you

By the orthodox mumble swept by Byzantine breeze
Your cold fragrance I swallow and your fondness I squeeze
With your genital's ichor rushing up in my veins
I am intoxicated - no control there remains

On the sheets of thy virtue, in the garment of shame
Your timidity's sobbing, innocence playing games
Let our child's perverse dreaming and our mature dark pain
Tear the living asunder, kill and torture and maim

Raping angels and choking with their semen and blood
Join to suffer the pleasures we may find in the mud
All that we were deprived

Rise to me on demon wings
Hug me with the raven's dreams
Bacchic epileptic dance
Breed the light and give us chance
Can we ever be so free?
Can we ever be that pure?
If you kill yourself for me
I will kill myself for you

Wrong person, right attitude

No pity is there in my heart
When I look at you
Black covet, eager for revenge - my part
When I conquer you...

I got no love inside of me - I got nothing to give
(I only want to take - more and more)
I want you coz you're young and free full of your frail belief
I need to come I need to waste on you
Destruction is the only way that can be true

No turning back, the turning point
Is far behind us
Evil I am, call what you will, the joint
Is where the dark is multiplied by darkness

It isn't fire but the trash of amber
The burnt down fane, the torture chamber
Null width and zero longitude
Wrong person, right attitude!

So suck it hard, swallow it down
Drink the lava of pain
We are the marked, we are all thrown
We do exist in vain

Shapeless, meaningless- full of foam and mud
Heartless, mindless - in the eternal feast of blood

Truth is violence - violence is truth
Love is control, love is addiction and hate
Love is hate!

No turning back, the turning point
Is far behind us
Evil I am, call what you will, the joint
Is where the dark is multiplied by darkness

It isn't fire but the trash of amber
The burnt down fane, the torture chamber
Null width and zero longitude
Wrong person and right...
Right attitude!

Peacefully

There is the only lullaby that can endure the aeon
Eternal song for mature ones, as for the old and teen
It is the promise of the winter, whisper in the drifting snow
All that the proto-vernal days and hodiernal springs do start their show
With...

'Tis the fox in her hole, 'tis the bird in her nest
And the son of the man who found his place to rest
Peacefully...

'Tis the one of the thousands of the uniform lands
As they look all the same - just the thousand dead-ends
It has just moved bit forward so we could see it and let
Let it suck us in and follow our saving droplet
Peacefully...

So many times we heard them say 'hey, that will be alright!'
And then we saw them off into their suicidal night
Once in a while we can palpate the fast relief of quiescence
Yes, once upon a truth our saving hopes and dreams made sense...

'Tis the wolf filled with moonlight - and the sheep safely graze
Serpent drawing the circles on the waters for grace
'Tis the fox in her hole, 'tis the bird in her nest
And the son of the man who found his place to rest
Peacefully...

Promise of the ancient winter,
Whisper in the snow among
Traces lost behind the tinder
And with mermaids song
We're peacefully drowning

We have found our place to rest
Peacefully drowning...

Monopoly in miracles

This is the true depression
When you don't love the rain no more
When your saint has become a whore
And lost all his memories...

Yes, this is the true extinction
When you're lost midst the empty names
When the void years are all to blame
And your wasted reveries...

This is the fake fire in Limbo
This is the true depression
This is the old man single
This is the last deception
And lies and lies and lies, the only lies
Have the monopoly in miracles.

Pity and funny when you're hanging on CB
Can't tip a token and boost up 10 dBs
Hark thru shit music to hear words of hate
Watchin' em argue and commiserate
Can't get enough with the volume you crank
Forgot why you came here - it was just to wank
But wishing them love
Wishing them love
Recognizing yourself...

This is the fake fire in Limbo
This is the true depression
This is the old man single
This is the last deception
And lies and lies and lies, the only lies
Have the monopoly in miracles.

Faggots are they with ambitions and tan
Earning with crap shows - there ain't no fun
Bold douchesaures and no single fan
Yes, this must be Russia or Uzbekistan
There ain't no pussies, nor tender defile
But overdued clownery - yeah - same doggy-style
This must be sick like a hanging forced dick
But what is your life if you pick...

This true depression...

This is the fake fire in Limbo
This is the degradation
This is the decomposition
This is the decompression
True life deception
And lies and lies and lies, the only lies
Have the monopoly in miracles.
The monopoly in miracles.

The path of my travails

I wish I could enfold your precious memories
Feel the eternal like the last cold day alive
Unite the past and future in our reveries
Immortal and inspired in thunder's height to drive

I wish our aeon to be lush and adventurous
With sober wanderlust and steady sense of home
The angel fallen woken as the rose
Is but the sign of love and lust
In the garden of loss

I wish you were my Atlantis, my lover
I shall become an eagle's rage to hunt and hover

And I wish he was your Wotan
In the Tideland
Your masterplan,
your maze,
horned rabbit-king,
your Gotham,
key to survival in my hand

And I could be that fertile and archaic
as your grandpa's tabatiere
on the table of mahogany,
fleur de sel, just a tale of relief,
your saving methadone,
a project of a future human
ruled up, detailed
like the Vitruvian Man in drawings

And in the end of my travails
Is there a hope for me?
Decades behind me, but I lived so low
I wasted misery but I loved so low
And I was not myself and I was never free
I can't remember merry summer day
I don't know what the happiness may be...

I wish our aeon to be lush and adventurous
With sober wanderlust and steady sense of home
The angel fallen woken as the rose
Is but the sign of love and lust
In the garden of loss

I wish you were my Atlantis, my lover
As I shall become an eagle's rage to hunt and hover

I wish I could forever dwell there in our precious memories...

The end of fear and pain

For nature's studious reason
There's spring and there is fall
But I pursue the season
Of peace for heart and soul
'Cause in fall of my years
I comprehend the curse
Of living through the tears
In sorrow, fear, remorse.
It's like the eyes but shut wide
Like sky that's always gray
Like better day I abide
That never comes my way

The winter I have chosen
For sanity it brings
The wounds of fear are frozen
So that it heals my wings
If the Ultima Thule
Is bound to happen then
The snow would whiten purely
Like nurse's mitten'd hand
The hospital gown whiteness
The end of fear and pain
The sigaldry of kindness
Thaumaturgy unnamed...

Oh dear, hold me fast,
Fasten my soul!



May 16, 2019

© Copyright: Ардаллион, 2019