"Teenage Coronet" (2007)

The outside world

I never felt as lonely as it’s now
Devote myself to bottle and some jay
And watch bar-crossing sympathizing cow
Her jeans set tight as smiles she gives away

My horny god is one-horned up to neck
It swallows up whatever gets me high
I don’t know what I want and I need break
“So would you share my trembling thing tonight?”

And I
want to hate you for I can’t possess you, I wanted to love you but I do not know it
I’m intoxicated to get brave before you, so fuck all your values – they’re making me covet
Ten weirdoes from high school have caught you up backdoors
Hence you’d
change forever and irremeably
Who feels like a man here, I feel like an actor?
We don’t save our honor, we just wear the emblems.

I know the truth – we always find exchange
For everyone – disposable and sold
The lessons they don’t teach for schoolish wage
That’s what we get to know in outside world

I wish I killed the one who gave me birth
Got nothing to appreciate the most
They are the same old shit as me on earth
Say, we have gone astray and then got lost
So I
spend my poor days in sickening dreaming, my aching libido devours friend’s kisses
I’m wanking until I come sweaty and bleeding with my brain remainder that’s falling to pieces
My energy’s killing my conscience and options; I give up to this stream – no sense of proportion
She’s
going to bear it, she’s trying the potions
She knows she would better make further abortions

Condemnation for the condom-nation

Hey pussy, tonight we come out to the city
The places so airy, the places so bushy
I’ve spent all my money and that is not pity
I know you’ll surrender it all with your tushie

The old man is striping the boy’s eyes with ribbon
Then boy fucks an old man on backseat of his car
It’s easy like taking out blunt little fishbone
To fuck whosoever so blindfold and distal

Use me, Mr. Superstar,
Selfless sluts that’s who we are
Beg you please don’t complicate
Senses unexplained I hate

Fuck me, Mr. Superfuck,
To my cunt and to my back
Ride me, stallion, till I drip
That’s my pride I pray to keep

We don’t need the children we save them from ourselves
We’re using the rubbers and feed from our pour days
We scavenge our pleasures, peacekeepers and rascals
We energize passions and anarchize orders

Our souls dressed in condoms can feel touch no longer
The light is so gloomy, the eager’s inflating
The more we devour the less we’re astounded
We’re feeling us voiding when start comprehending

In this time of agony
Lay down blunt and bang with me
Till your cum blows up my brain
Till I find myself out drained
Plastic love is robotized,
Artificial in my eyes.
No attachment, no amend
We are peacefully condemned

5 hours alone

… And I know that everything is wrong
I can’t tell what I’m ashamed to feel
Learn myself, I need to get along
With deceit I apprehend like skill

… And I fear what I could not suppose
More I fear the deal I had within
Since we’re born we’re given off exposed
Since I’m free I taste the trace of sin

The oceans ahead and gray sky above my wet blackened eyes
Do they understand or sensing my love I can’t recognize?
Those numb sunny days and silent declines of seasons I’ve missed
Just pass me away, slide out of my line and fade in my tears

… And I could relief myself with past
But it’s short and nothing like relief
What I had is all that’s free on cast
I am hiding like pickpocket thief

… Motionless I stay and that is strange
When the world is open wide to run
I am stiff in horror disarranged
When I guess my life has just begun

When you lay beside me

Open your eyes, sweet one.
Don’t fear the thing we’ve done
Maybe for night or two
I’m here to take you through

Mistrust still covers us
I know we cannot trust
I know we’re still awake
Far from accepting break

You never thought that you’d become the dancing flame
Turn over all the tenderness you thought was dead
I never thought I’d find myself depraving you
And dawn would witness us with guilt before ourselves

And for this treason we both know who is to blame
We have betrayed the loneliness we thought was friend
We deified our pain we thought it was the cure
And like the Eden pair we spurn our nakedness

I can’t forgive myself for waiting till the end
I can’t complain for whole this luck came on my way
I cannot save the man who stretches dying hand
To mirages beloved fading on the bay

Silence is bitter judge
Now it is growing large
Touch is the mean to speak
When all our words grow weak

Run through your reedy cry
Rivers of lasting fright
I’ll take on fingertips
When you bite in my lips

We know that time will turn us both to shapeless dust
We know we’ll stay alive to watch us walking dead
We’ll curse the day we met among the falling waves
Of somber ocean of the mundane loneliness

I cannot take my look away from hourglass
I feel my time remained is sinking down like sand
The silence makes me numb I can’t just try to crave
I feel advent of all absorbing emptiness

Closing your eyes, sweet one…
Miracles are all gone…

Bloody, stricken, unbroken

I “Junkyard”

(Body, hey body… get around to play… are you from otherworld , lop-eared motherfucker… get around cocksucker … we got a little surprise for you… would you like to get your tongue wiping my piss from your boot… come, lets play)

Rise from the ground they wait for you
Hold rusty funnel tight
Run through their eyes divine and pure
Join their destructive might

Laughter will try to mystify
Catching you unaware
Mix them to dust and tread with spite
No longer wait, don’t care

Wiping their faces off their skin, watching’em choke with tears
Hand that has slapped your cheek your rim tearing out from the wrist
One who has pushed your bosom you hit to the crumbing ribs
“Pray to your fucking gods as mute as I’ll leave your sundered limbs”
Merciless childhood’s wise and cruel, nursing the creatures brave
Challenge the nature and its rules, challenge your Jesus-slave
Put down the pants and stick your fuck into that bleeding arse
Dirt breeds the dirt and here comes luck, needed for your success

Now it is hard to move your eye
Find strength to stay on feet
Winner you are! So leave them die
Smothering in defeat

II “Playground”

(Oh, kitten, nice kitten... why are you screaming so loud? Come off it’s making
an awful noise… mom and dad can hear… oh, what a disgusting sound… do you really
feel sorry saying goodbye to your tiny paws tied to the tree… do you really take
it so hard feeling blind, feeling your bloody eyes drip down your hair… oh no…
you wouldn’t die.. You gotta live as long as your pain amuses our sight)

Twisting, spinning, circling around
Pigmy dance enrages the crowd
Pumping, swapping pleasure and pain
Your crown of thorns their torch of lead

Baal was the logical one
Brought up the hearts of mighty sons
Equal we are! Equal we’re not!
Ratkiller is our primal God!

Eaten by worm, worms do we eat!
Not to survive! Pleasure of it!
Learning our hearts, training the might!
Rulers of mud! Kings of despite!

You know my hate is worse than all of yours. Give me the spark I’ll spew it up
in flame
I’m stricken down, I’m under fiendish furls. Nothing to lose and I’ll endure this game
It’s fair to pay for what you never did! It’s fair to make them pay for what they’ll do!
It’s right to hate them just for what they are…

(Did you hear something, honey?)

III “Home”

Meaningless and vile,
Perish at my sight.
Creature of demise,
I can’t believe our world exists forever

Injured and defiled,
Weigh upon my night,
Everlasting flies,
Vulture of my God! We’ll fight together…

(Honey, bring me a steak please… oh yeah, it was an interesting show… you know
this guy, he always shocks the audience… well, and maybe it’s right that you
didn’t watch… I take it easy anyway… but he does it goddamn well, I can say
professionally! And it’s really interesting to watch his fucking show)

Fight inside

I can’t explain what makes me fight inside
Temporary substance changes spinning poles
Then it prevails upon my splitting mind
And like a clown I change my mask and role

First day I curse whatever sets the pace
Another day I lament every word
Time and again I redefine my place
Then walk the circles sluggish and obscured

I melt away beneath the eastern sun
Cannot avoid its suicidal rays
The universe is drone dug into lump
Of space’s dirt – that’s what my soul bewrays

Addicted to the heady source of dope
I spend my valor for the mean exploits
Wish every step led me to steepest slope
I wish to fall before my head explodes

That’s what we have become

That’s what we have become
The faintest drones with black polluted hands
Drained off of life like scum
With zero chance to change or understand

The wise men used to drink
I’m customer of knowledge in its half
I’m waste of soul and ink
Forever sucker boy, eternal calf

Drown in the solar dream of faded galaxies. Adorn my own bereavement with the
lute.
I’m diving in the mist of heavy incenses. Escape from my dramaturgy acute.
The tourniquet of my befouled reality won’t let me any further from myself
I know there’ll be no love but more brutality. And I would always add it to my wealth.

I am afraid of height
Can’t hold my tears when winds embreathe my joy
The nature is delight
When only rapid glances you enjoy

Caligula and Nero dwell in shadowed room. The waiting room of inborn savagery
Atrocity we call “our minds trapped in the gloom”.
Of black sheep we say: “Sometimes luck mistreats”
It’s glamorous to watch yourself like animal. It’s curiously to place yourself in cage
You’ll understand that you yourself are enemy. Empiric meal for inquisitive sage

Big dumb sex

Lecherous thoughts are liver than ever
Instincts command and move all the world
Bitter mistake is my conscience that severed
Motion from act and nature from soul

Curse all my dreams they lead me to nothing
Profit is all I gain and pursue
People is matter and matter is blind thing
It’s all as simple as me and you

And now I’m gonna fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Whose twofold care came on my way?
And we just never argue, argue, argue
We are permitted to betray.

Animals don’t keep the burden of reasons
People are always abused by their quest
Monkey’s surviving, the human’s bereaving
Spirituality’s our killing pest

We all defend our immobile dead models
Mind is devoted, traditions are stiff
Sick from ourselves more than from our ordeals
Still we’re afraid to destroy this belief

But now I’m gonna fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Whose twofold care came on my way?
And we just never argue, argue, argue
We are permitted to betray.

Dark lament

I hear them call
With endless cry
I see them fall
And watch them die

With hellfire in their eyes

And morbid moan
Rips through my throat
My hope is gone
My death is sought

(The one that never lies)

Thus whole caress unspent leads me to anger
And love I’ve never known drives me unkind
I justify misdeeds where I am tangled
I dream away my life within my mind

My seed won’t pass to woman’s womb thereafter
My eld won’t be surrounded by the heirs
My skin will coarsen by my sorrows uttered
Once pumping heart will burst blood in the air

And with the curse
Burning my mouth
I’ll call my nurse
Through bloody cough

(And spit this life of me)

I stiff so pale
Forevermore
Inmates of hell
I’ll join with woe

So hearted and so mean …

Dorian

Hoping
That the life will
Treat you as god all the time
And dress your words up in rhyme…
Like spoilt
Child of fortune
The one on bright charming wings
No matter what it would bring…
Longing
For a bird’s trill
You know you can sing their songs
Extolled – and there you belong…

They’d sell themselves to get your place; they’d kill themselves for your
embrace
And surely you enjoy this game of your fine grace
The kings don’t ever bear the frown and taken by their ranks downtown
Inlay the vice into their guiltless diamond crowns

Somehow
There’s just one thing
That you cannot apprehend
The harmony’s dark descend
Your days
In this waste fuss
Are that you still haven’t found
Neither your rest nor a bound
Take out
Mask so daring
One day it would take them home
And with yourself all alone
Which prayers
Will you trespass
The ones your heart still denies
Like helplessness in your eyes…

You’d sell your soul to get their place; you’d kill yourself for their embrace
And surely you disdain this shame of your disgrace
Your black imaginary crown of heavy load has fall down
Imprisoned is your soul forever in downtown

The strangest miracle

I have to say goodbye
To vision I have seen
The face was just like mine
But something else within

The one who doesn’t take
The chip shite as I do
Without my pointless ache
But opened for the truth

The one who takes good care
For kids and helps his kins
So legible and spared
With other kind of dreams

The one who stays away
From things I used to fear
So unafraid the way
I only stand and hear:

“Well, if you want uplift
You have to gain the wealth
But if you want a gift
Be miracle yourself”

I have to say goodbye
To vision I have seen
The face was just like mine
But something else within

Silent satellite

One day you wouldn’t recognize your face
And find your passions burn with no way out
The one you’ve been just yesterday takes place
To mock at you with your descendant’s mouth

You’ll talk to water, to the sun and trees
And you won’t ever try to treat the men
Console yourself on tragical disease
With mem’ries of illusory ascent

Like the shadow of former light
Like the star in dead universe
Like the hope under bitter curse
You walk like silent satellite

Just as much plants as you have sowed
You may gather up in your hands
Reap the loneliness and demands
And that is just as heavy load

The laughter shares the youth and you’re outside
The hardest thing’s that you were always there
And ghosts contented all your life refined
And it’s too late to stop when you’re aware

But you would see the phantoms just like you
Their spectral eyes, their happiness and pain
And all that’s real is deconstructing lure
To walk the endless circles round again

And you bless those who stay around
For the patience they take for love
For the rains that still cry above
For a glance for a single sound

Like the shadow of former light
Like the star in dead universe
Like the hope under bitter curse
You walk like silent satellite

At your sight

Now we are taking masks away, distinguish faces
We are the same; we’re made of clay, no chosen races.
I had an ace upon my sleeve, now I am craving
To save what I have to bereave from mouth of my king

I disappear now out of rules through darkest hour
The bigger venerable wolves are all devoured
I’d turn back time; I’d sweep away the wheel of fortune
Derive the knowledge from my end, the way it tortures

All that we decide
Will return predictable results
And reward according to our deserts
Open at your sight
All the bitter praises and insults
Show the weigh and color of the hazards

I’m on a leash but I lead them through their sham fetters
For me there’s no point of return – it doesn’t matter
I am the frame of what they build the torch of master
The herald of this no one’s world before disaster

What still is burning will go out and turn to ashes
The prophet puts the stones to mouth and bears the lashes
Nonentity of us uncrowned will break disguises
And when the weary star falls down, another rises

23/3/2007