"Star Pattern 16" (2007)

Absurdum Mobile

The stench of decay under your nails' like taboo of a virgin
Somniferous ghoul, neuroleptic merchild.
Licking the carcass of the discarded heroin surgeon
Put on garlic lace, devastating you piled

I have heard the dead men choir of Rains with attention and patience
La musiqe malade over sonar collapse
Through quivering breath merging the roar of exposured yard ambience
That's taking by pieces its chaotic harps

And I wished that my eyes
Drown forever in sunlight
Melt my mind in the waters of dream
And the ear of their sighs
Flew forever with backbite
Back to their forlorn home down the rim

Forging my torment, lashing my hands turning back to my pillow
Eternal disease flows into my torn heart
They're talking to me, whispering pleas from the dry leaves of willow
Astonishing me, turning pain into art

And whole world does thrill, squeeze in my brain with mechanical laughter
They're cursing me now with their thousand moans
And I do not know, which God should I call to get rid of them after
The vampires of soul lead me to barrow stones

And I wished that my eyes
Drown forever in sunlight
Melt my mind in the waters of dream
And the ear of their sighs
Flew forever with backbite
Back to their forlorn home down the rim

And I wish you were here
Close to me to protect me
As I still do not know where's the end
In my mouth there's so sere
I imagine my Evelyn
Clenching cold rust locket in hand

If You Betray Me

If my darkened day melts down like waxy dwarf
And my life drops down onto your tiny palm
If I blow to hell what I have done for worth
For a soul consumed to taste once healing balm

If I am revealed with tears and ugly dreams
And your face pursues me everywhere I go
I shall pass the moment off my pride and fears
For this one life spark to render nevermore

If you come enclose and wrap me with your world
Then you tramp me down into the dying waste
Grabbing paths of lust that you keep to uphold
I won't fall down cryin' injured nor amazed

If you spoil my grave, piss on my rotting bones
I don't care; I've lost my hope and everything
I won't chase your breath, I never raise a loan
But I take and take and take just what you bring

I don't give a fuck if you fucking betray me

Feel The Rush

Your try to white yourself out to tomorrow
Just if your name meant something
These filthy words the words you used to borrow
Just if you had a right for bowling

Pull your face to the dirt
All this shit's back to you
Feel the rush when it hurts
Bear defeat that ain't cure

You sell your dreams; you are pointed as a number
Just if you never had name, dear
Cry phony tears I hate you with my hunger
Cry phony tears and curse the peer

Pull your face to the dirt
All this shit's back to you
Feel the rush when it hurts
Bear defeat that ain't cure

Wake a deep hate in me
That is purer than love
Feel the rush when you bleed
And ascent high above

It is easy to be kind when you got everything
I used to get disdain from what I have adored
Lay down again you dust, as all your love can bring
Good fuck with me and then "remerciments encore"

Star Pattern 16

When have I called you
I can't remember
Ten thousand shoulders
Clench me together

Faces are running
So close to mine
Muffle my sighing,
Great din divine

"We came for you. We serve. You need us
Who spit on Christ and crucifixes?
You'll wake up dead, the seas of torment
Sent us to thee like final omen
Hours of you are all numbered. You've been
Shone by the rays of star pattern sixteen."

They're devastating
My brain with mockery
Voices inspecting
My thoughts like robbery

I watch my skin decay I feel my rotting guts
And I cannot escape from ubiquitous hands
I know I fantasized symmetrical designs
Hallucinations rise within my fev'rish mind
The swan with cold black heart is shadowing my path
If I betray my god I'll be enthroned with wrath
Let hatred always be my lifetime guiding light
Let wolves share once with me their power and might
Or give to me just one - one reason I'd believe
To love this damn mankind I'm bearing undeceived

"We came for you. We serve. You need us
Who spit on Christ and crucifixes?
You'll wake up dead, oceans of torment
Sent us to thee like final omen
Hours of you are all numbered. You've been
Shone by the rays of star pattern sixteen."

Do As I Say Not As I Do

All my honor takes
Is to be fair with you
And I don't lie not a thing
Take my promises -
Don't believe they are true
I know by heart lies they bring

All I have to fight with is myself
And my chastity behaves like sail

Follow me, the fortune loves me forever
If you don't sever
You are safe in my hands
Close your eyes, the enemy's falling broken
I'm bloody token
He won't stand on my land

But I use the terms
That my soul hates so deep
I pull to force from inside
I am numb for pleas,
Blind for burdens they keep
Once so like them
I was wild

But my fortress I know once was built
On the lie that still fulfills my guilt
Don't look straight into my face you won't glow me
And you don't know me
Even don't try to find
Black spots in the sun that warms you so stable
I hold the cable
Plugged to bomb in my mind

Mistrust is my own disgrace and lust
How can I hope, who can I trust?
I am seeker even if I find
Treasure of life - I'll never bind
I must cheat to save myself from sight
Paths of disgrace, my way to light
All the antipodes in me take through:
Do as I say not as I do!

(Remember that every crystal palace, every bright shone fortress is built on
someone's tears, someone's misery, on injustice. Every promise they give,
addressing their words to eternity is
the subtle mode of deception aimed at possessing your body and soul. And love is the game of the raging hormones. One thing that can hold us together is just simple esteeming)...

Pay No Mind

Pay no mind
You're searching for the ground
Pay no mind
As you can't run away

Hopeless life
Is said for you to find
Victim's life
And long forgotten prayer

Mesmerize the crowd with skillful lies
Grab the praise from slightly opened mouth
Lose yourself, become the pale disguise
Hide as snakes do hide along the path

Fit the world, forget about your face
Be the mask - two holes instead of eyes
And the smile so cunning and so waste -
While your poisoned soul conceals the cries

Gather crows
To shadow morning road
Skyborn crows
Will guide you through the years

Raven's wings
Adopt eternal cold
Blackened wings
Will cover you with grief

In The Phantom's Embrace

Night's so cold and the line is so thin
But it's not the horizon
Sun gets warm from our feet to the wind
Would you just lift your eyes on?

Lost our names and our paths in the stream
Where the sycamore's sleeping
And its figs feed our innocent dreams
Who we are now? I'm weeping

Just a phantom we loved
It reminds us of childhood
Found in hassle of crowd
Said it's true? But if I could...

Now the daylight is blinding much more
Than the night of our seasons
Wish we drown once again to the yore
Still not knowing the treasons

But for now it is all we can do
Where we are? Wasteland's weeping
And we rest at the ponds of our truth
Under sycamore sleeping...

Cunning Geek

Let the creek become a river
It will wash your town away
I'm believer. You're deceiver
Hiding mask of cunning play

But for now the plot is changing
And I get you where you hide
Let my hate come to arrange here
Truth for truth and eye for eye

As a child becomes a strong man
As his heart fills up with lies
Dying mercy brings the omen
Of revenge you can't deny

I would break your fragile body
I would spit into your soul
Hypocrites are overcrowded
Never save you when you fall

Get it all you fucking bastard
Get it all from me again
Slave will turn to heartless master
Showing you unearthly pain

All the whorish bloody stains are
Spilling over at my sight
And the one who has been handsome
Turns to offal of my might

If the power of conscience
Cheats the muscle of a fool
I will beat it off so fractious
But my blood is staying cool

Get it all you fucking bastard
Get it all from me again
Slave will turn to heartless master
Showing you unearthly pain

Ripping wounds will not skin over
As you've waken not the one -
Legions that abode the moment
Farewell, liar, now you're gone

Half Amazed, Half Disgraced

Know I’ve been far from here I found the most deserted place
Just as I drove the rumors followed me along the trace

Know I’ve been half amazed
Half disgraced
I just heard your name from them
And all that had been blessed
Then ablaze
Turned to ashes overwhelmed

And I don’t give a damn whose will would give the orders then
It’s out of me. The one who tries will fall from my cold hand

Know that is not surprise
But disguise
Has revealed the other side
Not time for running mile
Past is wild
I’ll no longer have to hide

Charging up the gun
Someone’s on the run

Know I’ve been half amazed
Half disgraced
Mirrored myself in your eyes
But you have crossed the bound
Hear the sound
Bullets frighten all your lies

Charging up the gun
Someone’s on the run

Purse

Just if I knew that I had had a right
To find the clue, find a value of pride...

All swept away and it's all I possess
Bottle and jay and the joy of disgrace

But if you're laughing at this shit tonight
I don't need the words
I satisfied my bitter pride
And if the sun shines on no more tonight
I can cross the chords
The strings obey my hand so quiet
Just if I prayed with the faith in my heart
Would I delay my undone inner fight?

All swept away and the purse growin' small
Demons - you say - are still watching me fall

But if you're laughing at this shit tonight
I don't need the words
I satisfied my bitter pride
And if the sun shines on no more tonight
I can cross the chords
The strings obey my hand so quiet

And I know - another day will be
Just like all the days
When never we were so much free
Like today when I don't want to see
My worn heart decay
And marching punishment to me
As I curse it all with smiling face
I don't fear disgrace
Lie to myself I'm in right place
We'll forget this day when money's gone
We will fight alone
The story ends beneath the stone

Beneath the barrow stone...

February 24, 2007

If I could end my days like this
Stay here like lonesome shepherd
Romantic and forsaken
My river knows…
I’d learn the mystery of springs
Intoxicated by the odors smelling honey
And hark to steel strings
While counting my beads
And sensing whole existence…
Beneath the sun of the sleepless
Unseen…
But I know that man, I know that place
I know that life could not be mine
And reveries just pass me by
And I am just a wretched man
Like thousands of the others
Who somehow kept the slightest shadow
Of ancient meadows
Of beauty long time gone
Of birchen rains…