"Survival" (2006)

And It Feels Right This Time

And it feels right this time
In this world full of nothing but rhyme
In this freedom of loss and cold fight
We survive in the night

And it feels hot this time
Though my hands freezing in blood stained rime
Zero point and the garbage of past -
Nevermore shall it last!

Leave you off! I don’t belong here ever
Just forget as you forgot before
Dreams that want my sacrifice I sever
Vanish my rewards and break the score

And it feels cruel this time
At the face of the judging bad line
My black day will it be just over?
Let me live whether I won’t die for
Backing one from the bullet and flame
If I stay till the end of this game…

Leave you off! I don’t belong here ever
Skin the truth - I meet with open hands
It’s a sneer that we are still together
Till the flesh drops from our bones to sand

Ain’t it right that we may just be happy?
Ain’t it right that we must fight it hard?
What it takes? It’s just survival, baby
Just survival from your very start

Brother Jack

Once in a year we set for the dinner
Planning is easy with snack
Next day we ride for the guns to the teemer
That’s me and my brother Jack

We horseshoe our stallions and buy golden bullets
Our paths are the paths of the brave
I’ll ride on the highway with pinned lucky tulip
He’ll travel on ship to the cave

And if I go first to the cave I get treasure
Though here may be no chance to cheat
We parted on shore and without any leisure
I set horsy running and rid

But half way I met merchant lost in the waste land
He said that he knew shortest way
He led me to stage of the Indian landlord
Who paid him for such useful prey

Chief sent royal arms that should convoy me leading
It took us six days to arrive
I knew that I’d lost as my brother might be here
Much prior than Red’s motley hive

The moment has passed and the horde of their neighbors
Killed everyone of guiding force
And I took my chance to escape at the high tor
Alas I abandoned my horse

In hour or two I returned to the entry
And stepped to the cave baring gun
Among all those bodies I found not a nary
The treasure we fought for was gone

In ten years I’ve known that the treasure was legend
But where was brother these years?
“His ship drowned at storm” – said the sea-police agent
“Next day after he’d left the pier”.

So here is the ocean’s grave for my bad dollop
But mine could be stone on the track
I threw in the water my pinned lucky tulip
Sleep peacefully, my brother Jack

Latitude

Like the potion of light in my desperate hour
Blinding my frightened eyes least expected and warm
Like the parting for ever its tormenting power
Makes me so unafraid when I’m crossing the storm

Like the dream I forgot prints in random reflection
The reminder of my inner essence that sleeps
Every sign on my way through the guilt and deception
Wakes in my bated breath – word that stuck on my lips

Let it flow once again
Let it burn in my veins
Joint to nowhere from nowhere I have been imprisoned
Wings are fostered by tears
Still there’s nobody near
And I’m leaving myself with unfaltering reason

Generations uncrowned
Burn their thrones never found
But the treasure is small only if I could have it
I’m transcending my name
Hopes and fears set in flames
Open slumbering eyes for existence so avid

Spool is winding up fast and the wires are glowing
Like a plunger my heart pulls the vapor off me
And I’m tainting the world with implacable longing
For the ultimate change, for the higher degree

Pathless

In the stream of the city
Colored trap of the soul
‘S rotting in my lust pity
Through the pain – it’s my own

And the voices from nowhere
Are the voices of life
And I can’t get them over
And I can’t get them nigh…

In the subway lost tunnel
I have built up my home
Hung the portrait of colonel
Banner under the dome

So you see my lightning eyes as rapid as the train
Running, passing by the slots saved by the neon rain
So you see the demon smile reflecting your own face
On the exit door glass where you’re still afraid to pace

Full of envious wishes and pursuit for excellence
In this inconvenient world I wear my mask and lance
Curse your every step don’t care however far you go
I am here, behind the mirror in the sighing throe

So I laid all my lovers
On oblivion’s bed
And my hate is uncovered
And anathema’s said

And I’m walking a circle
From myself to myself
Neon’s clothing me purple
Light is clothing me pelf

So you’ll wake up wet recalling visions spread from me
Fuck you all the beautiful I’ll make you weep and kneel
Your distress and fear are cure for my discarded soul
Pathless thicket in your heart, you know, I come to call

In the roof and in the attic living in your dust
Fight for your contempt, abomination and disgust
At your deathbed I stay close to catch you, wretched one
And I lead you to the world of shadows where I’ve gone

Hold your baby tight, my claw should rip throughout in two
Seeds of truth within your flesh are flowers on your tomb
And I’ll gaggle with the thousand homeless raging winds
Seeing human pair still laments rotten Eden wings

Heed The Warning

Heed the warning
You should run before it comes
Sky is burning
Agonies with bitter sounds

Silent order
Nowhere else but in your mind
Wake up sober
Tacking ubiquitous grind

Everyone is a hound hunting world to survive
Bare your fangs, claws and paws, take the gun, take the knife
In the limit of power don't give up and fight
No regret, no suspect never turning behind

If you don't overgrow they devour you first
If you still let them live they will breed in outburst
Life costs nothing if it don't belong to your kin
All the price is illusion created within

Oh this sweet smile
"Did you pay for sheltered place?"
Comes to defile
Only if I trust your grace

Private world guide
If I take your heresy
Promise me light
Light that I have never seen

Everyone is the mean, either term or the goal
Either target or bow, just forget about soul
Here's your body, your temple that's under the raid
Crashing everything under its feet and ahead

Everyone saves his own this survival is throne
Those who care of another are already gone
Let the war song support you when spirit grows tired
Then be steady to look in the eyes of the fire

Pulling Through

Sick stars ornament's the map
Thought that wonders midnight streets
To the shaitan slum and gap
Never traced by human feet

East of misery must bring
This delirious sleep for me
Epidemic on my wing
And the haricot bean lea

Then I recognize the whore
Walking to the chaikhana
But my eyes, they can adore
Other dreams of sabbath night

Well, she's taken soil from grave
Then she laid beside to die
I forgot her awkward prayer
Clumsy mesmerizing eye

There beneath the leaden sky
On the mountains high and steep
The bewitching dreams that I
In my life have ever seen

Caught my soul in wanderlust
Stole me from the carnal prop
Changed the plot with skill and gust
And my pain they did absorb

Beaks of birds and lips of grass
Whisper spells in foreign tongue
Petals cover dormant eyes
Nectar lulls... Here I belong

Limbo

"If I believed in miracle I'd follow evening fires
And stretch my sail for drifting in the night
I left my flower and my cross in land of woods and mires
I buried hope that's calling from behind"

So still is life when I begin my way
Infinite time invites the fleeting youth
All that I see, if only I can say,
Is more than real and more than ever sooth

The province on the barkhan hills awaits
The traveler from Northern icy fields
And sleeping ocean's azure lonesome waves
Still wait for life that one man cannot heal

As my forbears could hunt with tigers herd
I'll catch the sun from ancient desert's dune
My arbalest will bend before the bear
And heart will breathe abrupt victorious tune

And I enfold the spirits lost and gone
I’ll send my sons to conquer skylines waste
With bony flute I play my hymn alone
From stony hearth to sunset's color paste

Then we shall drink the fitful summer rain
Rejoice astringent scent of pregnant fields
We'll cross the balk of nuisance and disdain
And children's feet will try the primal yields...

But then I wake surrounded by the gray
And rambling winds will echoe every dream
Of life I've seen so many miles away
And I'll forget it's tiny fading gleam

So there's no home in distance dark and cold
We watch with sorrow of the space not reached
Romance will end in speeches loud and bold
With little pride for lessons we can teach

Hold On To My Pain

And it happens to me like it happens to you
And it gives them the hope to survive
Light is crashing down here passing everyone through
Weak belief to the blind empty night

In my dreams I shall see road we're going today
Life that's dripping on back seat so red
And this wired machine planted into the clay
Let you breathe... till you give all you had

Hold on to my pain
Hold on to the vain
Still there's no one who'd wait for us
There should be the end
But the grain of sand
In the world is a thing I trust

Someone comes to this life shone with beauty and pride
And his dole is to harvest delight
Someone else is to fight and to suffer the night
How I wish you had never this plight

I am nothing inside but the muscle and will
I imagine my presence, my part
Little bird flown to me from the fresh barrow hill
Don't foretell me! I know where to start

Hold on to my pain
Hold on to the vain
Still there's no one who'd wait for us
There should be the end
But the grain of sand
In the world is a thing I trust

Fires run in my eyes and the lanterns outside
Steamy windows of scattering car
Yet today is not gone, yet tomorrow abides
Time of sanity ever so far.

Sing a song here with me though the scarlet will bleed
As it gives you the hope to survive
Light has crashed down on me in the darkness I greet
Spilling over the straightening rive

Hold on to my pain
Hold on to the vain
Still there's no one who'd wait for us
There should be the end
But the grain of sand
In the world is a thing I trust

Second Appeal

If sheep beloved by a wolf would mock and scoff at him
Thou wouldst surpass and emulate ingratitude within
If benefactor's open hand may sow the plague as seeds
Thy praise is worse than pestilence rewarded for our beads
If rich man robs the poor man's alms, thy robbery is high
The farthing of the stolen soul thou torture, bruise and try
Thy face is dust in which we trust, thy merit is disgrace
Thy ground is subterranean waste, eternal homeless place
Aganist love so vulnerable thou preach into my heart
The spell of rage, the thought of curse, and all those words are tart
If I were even marble stone I'd rebel to my fate
Embittered steadily with thy immeasurable hate

Appeal To The Queen Of Nothing

Oh why, the priestess? Why, my queen?
Thou never call for me?
Thy fading hand, thy shapeless grin
Is all my life could mean

Thy sighing breath doth follow me
Wherever I may roam
To make me see how all that's free
Is bending to thy gloam

Through somber years I travel like
The dust thrown by the wind
And see thy poisoned treading spike
Thy crashing pace, my queen

How should I pray for mercy on
My pointless life I bear
I close my eyes, and wish I'm gone
And I no longer care

Oh why, my murderess, my fate,
If end of every man
Thy bony hand clench'd till it's late
Thou make me ever stand?

I'm cursed with this surviving strength
I wish I fell before
Enrich thy treasury with death
My death for more and more

In The Devil's Whorehouse

I wish I come here wanted
I wish I go there far
The dream so weak and haunted
And soul is mouth of scar

To break my bones on that floor
In feverish embrace
Mine are the chambers and whore
The beauty of disgrace

Come, reap my heart and drop it from your hands
I've seen the pirate’s map and sacred lands
I traveled through the understanding's seas
Now sell my soul, my pain for one I tease

As they surround at hour of defeat
My rotting lust my sickest voyager's greed
And muttered spell for host of rebelled souls
Stuck on my lips - I know they heard me call

I wish for higher treason
As I have lost myself
The mostly charming season
Of wickedness I whelm

They serve to me together
This night that I deserve
And in the morning rather
I shall enthrall the Earth

Sweet on your tongue I am within your blood
Reward of Lord to take, to break aproud
The deathless passion skinned me to the bones
Possessing more than I could ever own

Let me absorb your color, smell and taste
And penetrate like god until I'm waste
Devour tears and swallow laughter's thrill
To die exhausted by the morning trill

I wish I come here wanted
I wish I go there far
Here on the floor deserted
Neath my collapsing star

I Hope I Die Before I Wake

There was a time I murmured prayers at night
Held candles dressed in Chinese cloth of signs
And lusty angel tossing me as kite
Raped me with love like ivy braces bine
And in my dreams the bygone ocean laved
The saltry nights of summer on the bay
And moonchild left alone for keeps unsaved
Wept ocean's breath... and never knew the day
The Charon's night in those celestial eyes
But destitute with unborn reveries
Had certain fate - just shadow of their lies
To cry it out in their refectories

Come see me now admire this misery
Build up your world of nothing from this pain
This helplessness - the void of history
And silly patience - you enjoy sustained
Can't you see that? - nobody hears no one!!!
Nobody sees but heroes of their tales
We'll never know however far we're gone
But staying close we ride fake balloon whales
That angel was my future dark remorse
But he inspired - and I could feel the way
You know the inspiration is the source
Repentance is your end, your death, your grave

I wish this nightmare to become my light
Here I can wait cold aeons and never break
These hopeless dreams could be my life bedight
So now I hope I die before I wake