"Songs Of Desperation" (2006)

Over my head

Take those things away,
Take your damn control
Let us end the play
Right before we fall

Take what’s dear to you
So I will take mine
Put the anguish through
Boundary of our time

It’s coming over my head, before I was prepared
Could not be ever
All you, gods, overhead, save my home, little kids,
And let me sever

Those wicked bounds that I’ve made, now it’s all done and said
And so forever
I know that no one would care, and someone else won’t beware
His own endeavor

So take me out of here
Let no one be so near
Over time cut our lives
From those maddening nights
(And factitious lights)

When nowhere calls for me

When none you can believe
But loneliness
When none you can betray
But loneliness
When everything’s a dream
But angriness
When nowhere calls for me

When every life is pain and memory is cup
Tabernacle for slain the history in drop
When every wish is dead as it has no way out
But where I’d lay my head, to whom I raise a shout?

And beauty of the days we used to call “bygone”
Can show no other grace but that is all alone
But those who are the lost and buried in the snow
Could kill the doubt of ghost, could tell and later show.

When none have I believed
I didn’t save myself
When none I have betrayed
But loneliness – my wealth

When all my days were dream
That could not just be free
The poor soul in retreat
When nowhere calls to me

Desire for nonexistence

This awful prison that is built inside
Disparity to everything around
My hate that I forever have to hide
And dying love that follows me like hound

My loathsome heart already dead and gone
Please, let it die for any hope to be
It smolders in the empty place of stones
It cuts me still in empty place of me

You – hungry wolves, what are you dreaming of?
You cattle, scum, you’re false and that is true
Defile my home and spit into my hearth
I just don’t want to be the one of you.

Not for revenge but for delivery
Fill up me whole with hatred and contempt
To never falter facing misery
And never wish to pay another rent

Devour light – obtrusive blatant lie
And cast me down on altar of my truth
Till end of days just make deaf and blind
Endangered under your decaying tooth

Destroy my trust in anyone on earth
And carve these words into my very being
Trace final oath in every little curve
For healthy breed of vermin that is winning

The blood rained lotus

He said: “Be not afraid” when nobody believed her
“Whole life is only pain and Brahma’s will with it,
As peace could dwell just there on the celestial river
Of afterlife that waits to wash our busted feet”

And judge who counted beads looked furious and nervous
For every word was lash, for every tear was scorn
The governor was set for slavish better service
But verdict was defined before they blew the horn

The lovers were in chains and spits of hundred gapers
The envious servile crowd threw stones onto their cage
Within their tied up hands were lotus and the paper
The dreadful gift of rite from hands of weeping sage

The saber dance of death was circling around them
Unconquered they still looked into each other’s eyes
Red dew has poured like rain on petals of the flower
And fallen from the hands that fluttered subtle bines

Unexposed

Let the requiems run
To all sides of the world
Flying over the sea
Raising dust on the road

Over houses that stand
Like the hearse of the souls
To the gardens of land
Severed from our home

Through the castles of dark
Now abandoned by time
To the sweet trill of lark
Over cold morning rime

Let it seize homeless winds,
Fields of death dressed in rye
Migrant bird’s tired wings
And the dimness of sky

Turn my heart to the sun
Bleeding warm but in vain
Let the morbid song run
To unmask all our pain

Let’em stand pale as dead
For a moment or two
Leaning down weary head
In their lament to you

Dreams of abyss

That cage opens once a day,
Letting us out for a fight
We lose and we win – we play
Our lives as we never die

And nobody knows that taste
Of desperate victory
That’s always in bloody haste
But out of memory

Where oracles know their worth
And lances don’t ever dry
The bonfires make it cough
Eternal is all but time

Where thunders on somber hills
Assign memorizing aeons
And sound of the wooden wheels
Rips through the low roar of fiends

The childhood of soul is there
In madness of wicked game
It’s better for pride to bear
Reflections of coming flame

But that’s not a foe that longs
Or those who still walk a line
In all of our warlike songs
The enemy is our time...

Tartak

Give me prosperity,
My ass-shaped god
Profit of verity
Patrimony sod
Glamorous concubine
Rivers of wine
Spellbound coin-sheen
Harvest so fine

Who thought that they’d recall you?
Redeem from dust of ages
Forgotten one I store you
Between the worn-out pages

The Christians gone from annals
And sluts returned to heathers
Dear, suck out whose god’s phallus
We got our sacred teasers

Return to firstborn fire
And I’ll return to darkness
I’m cursed with my desire
That’s living in a cut glass

Sentence of falling

Can you remember your life?
Here, standing on the edge of your bereavement
Thus all that you did strive
Say if it all was worth your living

Can you just give me advice?
Here, after all those words you spoke for years
Is that a human price?
The honor for the loss and fears

Fall down and bring the fire
Dragging to everything
Pain will adorn your pyre
Stars will be sprinkled in

Take up the force of torment
Revel the Tartarus dreams
Come back as mortal omen
To crash your senescent limbs

Will you remember my eyes?
Here, standing in temptation for oblivion
I know you’ll never rise
As agony is seething

Can you just take me away?
There, from myself, my world, my undeceiving
To never see the day
Where every life is fleeting

Fall down and bring the water
That’s drinking from everything
It wouldn’t get any colder
You’re already frozen in

Take up the dew from window
That your child has wiped by hand
Ride on the ocean’s billow
Fill up with all regret

Spew it all back on mankind
Take talisman to your grave
All that was kin in your kind
Hence, nobody else can save

When heaven hates the earth

When heaven hates the earth, when seas contempt the land,
And world of lies explodes within my bleeding hand
When stars all swept away out in the solar breeze
Colliding universe that’s put down on its knees

The dying insects flow all over azure lake
The living is a dream, the one we cannot wake
Existence ceased before the life itself begun
The brazen hoop of child and golden thread are gone

And there we twist and turn as history repeats
No lessons to be learnt, no answer to our needs
The beauty hides the foe, the pity calls for two
You join this bright absurd – there’s nothing else to do

We’ll bear this wintertime for all our hopeless days
Being waiting the unknown but pendulums won’t sway
Wearing the gown of night to hide from sickest light
We’ll pray for deepest sleep – a crumb of poor delight

None’s dull beholding eye would cherish what it sees
None’s mind would turn up here – those are for our tears
Vile cradles of descend absorb us from the birth
As every god betrays and heaven hates the earth